It has been a 2 weeks now since I moved rooms. This new room is 1/4 the size of my previous one. The bed is so small I opted to sleep on the floor. I use to sleep 10 am - 8 pm, now I would wake up every 11 am and would not be able to go back to sleep until 5. Its so warm I could feel the sun beating down on my face as if I dont have a roof. I think I lost weight due to this, since the skirt that had become tighter 2 weeks ago is not just tight.

I cant do my Hip-Abs anymore because the peope in the other rooms would hear and probably snigger on my futile attempts.  I dont have cable TV.. So I cant watch The Colber Report or the Daily Show anymore. AHRG!

 I enjoy the mini forrest right outside the room though. I'll show you pictures soon.

It was Dickson's birthday last the 31st. We didnt do anything special though. We just got drunk.

Im going dvd hunting aftershift.I hope to find a nice anime series to watch this weekend.

I also have loads of bedsheets and underwear to wash and I still have to go shopping for shoes and skirts. AHRG!

If your fiance turns blind days before the wedding, would you still marry him/her?

I wouldnt. 
The blindness would almost surely turn him into somebody else. He would have to make me fall inlove all over again.  

 I appreciate tourists visiting the Philippines. I am proud of this beautiful country and I would never feel at home anywhere else.

I have this possessive jealousy for it though. I feel like the only people who has the right to "live" here are the Filipinos and all others would be thieves if they own even a small piece of this land.

I also have this secret disgust of Filipinos who had chosen to become citizens of foriegn nations... almost as if they betrayed all of us whom theyve left behind. They dont know what they lost when they did.

I have never really been able to figure out what my greatest fear was. Ive always thought that lossing a family member or being alone is depressing and painfull but they didnt seem terrifying.

Ive always found it hard to let go of things. Half eaten dinners, Old notebooks and books, romance, anger... I hold on to what I have tenaciously. Be them good or bad.

Today, Dickson and I had a fight and I finally figured out what I am most scared of.

I was aware of his scent first. He had just come out of the shower. When his lips touched mine my eyes were still half closed. We were arguing again about each others time and effort to keep the relationship going. This topic always makes me cry and him really angry.
I asked him not to leave but he did. I called his name several times but he didnt look back. He closed the door behind him. The moment I realized I was alone I got so scared the hair behind my neck stood up. I wanted to scream and run after him but I couldnt move. I just stayed curled up in bed staring at the door.

I am scared of not being the one thats right. Of not being the one leaving. Of waking up and finding nobody there. Of begging someone to stay and being ignored.
My greatest fear is being left behind.

-

I am excited on meeting new people. I had just recently found interesting specimens. I hope they like me back. ; )

Its rent paying time again and I am (again) feeling the want to find a cheaper place.

I pay 4000 pesos on rent alone and another 1000 for electricity and cable tv. It pretty much eats up my pay for half the month. When I ask around to see if there are new rooms I would then realize how nice my place is right now. I like the big space, the shinning wood tiles for floors that I polish every weekend, the huge cabinets and the spacious exclusive bathroom. 

I also have big windows so air move in and out of the room. The silence of the surroundings would actually let me hear the russtle of the coconut leaves outside. Nothing beats peace and quiet. 

If only I could find a place with the same amenities at a friendlier cost. Hayz.
 

 When I left the office yesterday, around 8 AM, it was already raining. My sister said it rained the whole day. When I woke up around 8 PM yesterday night, the electricity was out. I had to take my bath by candlelight.

This morning we heard reports that Cebu is now on Signal #3. That means:

• A tropical cyclone will affect the locality.
• Winds of greater than 100 kph up to 185 kph may be expected in at least 18 hours.

It sure can be exhausting trying to find new friends. Ive open accounts on facebook and multiply and i even openned a blogspot account trying to find new people. Ive been searching and searching and trying to strike a conversation here and there but unfortunately not all people want me around them. *sigh*

Here I am pulling my hair trying to figure out whether to say hi or hello. I am such a loser.

I miss Labangon.
I miss Kenit, his bathroom and the bamboo couch in his living room. I use to spent most of my drunken nights sleeping there, getting up when its finally light and even having breakfast with his family.

I miss Tisa, Way Tugpahay and the supper spicy siomai that nobody can ever copy. We relyed on siomai and hot noodles to relieve our tama every after drinking session. The sexiest and the prettiest drag gays also hang-out around Way Tughay and my male friends would enjoy flirting with them.

I miss choco-bang-bang.
Kenit's masterpiece.
The recipe:
Tanduay Rhum (long neck)
Carnation Condensed Milk (big)
Nescafe 3-1 (one sachet)
Milo (3 sachets)

Coffee and chocolate is delicious with milk. The flavor also diguises the pungent smell of the rhum so drinkers end up drinking more. The coffee, chocolate and the milk maximizes the effect of the alchohol which you dont notice until you stand up.

Thats my favorite aspect of rhum. You dont know that youve drunk too much until when youre drunk beyond i-think-i-druak-a-little-too-much. haha!
Isnt it fun? ; )

They say alcohol is a great social catalyst and and we all know that we somehow become "friendlier" and more "comfortable" when we drink "a little bit".

Theres this one time when  a friend of ours all of a sudden yelled, "bayot ko! (im gay!)"  right on top of this lungs. That was shockingly hilarious. The next day nobody had the guts to bring up the incident. haha!

Kenit can play a little guitar so we would sit on the sidewalk and sing. Even when its raining. We're so emo.

Kenit is somewhere in Dubai right now. Hes with his girlfriend who started working there 3 years earlier. He had just added me on this new friendster account. He looked like a whale on his pictures. I too doubled my weight. haha!

I have not been to Katipunan or Labangon for almost 2 years now. I didnt want to without a close friend with me. All my other friends are out working somewhere, our schedules never seem to match so we can go drink on the sidewalk again.
Siomai sa Tisa is now scattered all over the city. Most of the most recent siomai addicts havent event even heard of Way Tugpahay.

I recently was able to download all those old emo songs we use to sing. My highschool neighbors who part thier hair on the side so thier bangs would cover one eye havent even heard of The Ataris or Mae.

I sleep around 8AM and wake up at 8:30PM. I spend my waking hours facing either the computer or the television.
I spend 15 minutes sitting on the toilet at home, another 30 minutes in the office (15 minutes every instance) just thinking about nothing at all.

I talk to all kinds of people for 5-30 minutes about 5-30 minutes apart then I forget them completely. I emerge out of the office blank. Nothing gained but sagging eyebags. I console myself with food. I have been trying lose weight for over 2 years now and all I get from my efforts are extra pounds. I dont want to go out because I have nothing to wear. I dont want to shop for clothes because nothing respectable would fit me. So I stay home, drown myself in TV and food.

Sure the pay gets me by ok but this kind of lifestyle has a way of slowly absorbing all of your chi. I recently read Catcher in the Rye but I dont think I get it. I cant write. Im fat. I ask myself during the hours when Im trying to fall asleep: "What am I doing wasting my time like this? I should be feeding the poor, saving the environment or trying to find nirvana... Im stuck."

 We facilitate ACH (bank) transactions all over the United States so we talk to banks and bank account owners all the time especially Accountants and Payroll Administrators. The nicest thing about it is that we only get to to talk to educated people. So we only sometimes run into "frustrating" conversations.

When the whole system/software is set-up incorrectly or goes cuckoo we also get to troubleshoot.
So theres a thin line between Customer Service and Technical Support in my kind of job.

In spite of the all the legal implications of the role (we also handle taxes and filing. Paying taxes is a very important thing in America) we dont have scripts. Though there is a recommended call flow it always is preffered that the agent follow his own so we have a lot of freedom. I also like the fact they trust our abilities this much.

I wouldnt want to brag but we are among the best of what we do in this country, in India and in the States.

 What is it about Livejournal that keeps me coming back?

Theres this familiarity in its pages. It reminds me of everything that i loved about it before even when i hadnt had a decent post in years.

I always felt like I can say anything I want to say and not be judged by it. Writing here feels like Ive confided to a friend.